Pessimistic Punch

So, since I started this whole thing (recently, I mean)...since I sent out emails and created the Facebook group, I've heard this little demon talking to me. It's the demon of doubt. That thing in the back of my head that says I can't do what I'm setting out to do, no matter how hard I try. Sometimes, it even assumes the voice and shape of friends. I can't be sure where this voice comes from, or why it takes up the shape of some and not others, or why it takes up space inside my head, but I can tell you that it's there.

I see it roll its eyes at the back of my head. I hear it say things like "I've seen this all before, don't you remember? You did this last year and look how that turned out. You got no where. You ended up worse than before. Why are you even bothering again?" And then there's a whole lot of "Why do you write about yourself the way you do? It's just so self important. What did Brad Pitt say in Fight Club...? 'Self improvement is masturbation.'? Well, that's where you are." And that's not even the worst of it.

I really hate this demon. I want it out. I want to cast aside all its negativity and shove it to the ground. And then I'll be surrounded by smiles, sun light and complete positivity. But before I get all yogi up in this blog, I have something to tell you: I think the demon pushes me, perhaps by mistake.

While it tries to pull me back, it pushes me forward. It's my devil's advocate that I'm destined to prove wrong. It can roll its eyes all it wants. It can try its best to shake and rattle me from this path, but I will not sway. I will not waiver. Stumble or fall, I will move forward.

So to this demon voice, I say: keep pushing. Keep driving. Scream at me all you want. Terrorize as you will, and later...I might just thank you for doing so. ... Right after I thank all those amazing cheerleaders who are excited for me and who are on the path with me. You are my guiding light, and some of the most amazing people I know.