I won't go as far as to say I've just had the worst date in the history of all dates. That's just a plain exaggeration. However, I do think this is likely the worst date I've ever had, and even worse, I should have known better! I dated this guy last year--we'll call him Bob (original, right?) for now. It was fun while it lasted--we had a very quippy, play-fight-like chemistry--but in the end we were sooo not right for each other in several ways. Without going into too much detail, this guy was a douche. I thought maybe now that he's moved out of his parent's house, perhaps gotten a better job, he's changed a little bit for the better. I was wrong. Really, really wrong.
It started out with a little online messaging last night. "Oh, you're single? I thought you were with a guy. Want to get a burger tomorrow night?" I figured, what the hell... (Bad. Bad. BAD idea!) So I'm on my way to the burger joint and I get a phone call. "Hey, do you want to swing by my place beforehand?" ... The burger place is close to his house but, apparently, it's not within walking distance. He is simply too lazy to drive his lazy ass 15 blocks to meet me there. I should have hung up and gone back home at this point, or just told him to get off his dead ass and meet me there. Alas, I didn't.
The one and only highlight of my night was our arrival to the bar when I saw a familiar face from Ledbetters, a local watering hole in Buckhannon, West Virginia. Jason was a bit of a businessman from what I recall. We were never close or anything, but we've definitely shared a few conversations and some shots of Jagermeister. It was good, and very random, to see a familiar face from so far away.
So Bob and I made our way to a table. He was all about the $4.50 individual pizza and a couple of Bud Lights. I opted for Amstel Light, at the very least (see, I'm not much for super-cheap, super-pale, watered-down, and all-around-boring beers), with a Mediterranean rub mozzarella bacon burger ($5.95) and a small salad ($3.95). A round of brews and some very stupid and slightly annoying small talk later, the bill totalled $20. I made no move to look at the check or grab my purse. I figured that he looked at it and pulled out his wallet so fast that he was going to take care of the tab.
*Side note 1: The last time I saw him, we went to a nice dinner in Ellicott City. He forgot his wallet and I paid the $50 tab (more or less, I can't remember).
*Side note 2: From the online messaging the night before, I gathered he was going to pay anyway because he had said "Dinner is on you if you get there any time past 8:45." It was 8:15 when we got our first beer after walking into the bar. I announced I was early.
Looking at the bill, he asks me, "Do you have change for a twenty?" I said I had a $10 and a $1, but that I could ask for change, or he could ask for change. He starts detailing me the bill, telling me his beers were only $1.50 a peice, and mine were $3.50. (BFD). "My whole meal was $6," he said. He asked the waitress to change his twenty saying "we've got to figure out who owes what" as though it were rocket science. (DUH dummy, you asked me out for a burger. You owe the $20 + tip. Seriously, is it that big of a deal?) I could hear the waitress' thoughts "This guy must be the stupidest asshole ever..." I completely agree.
I rolled my eyes on the inside and hautily grabbed for my purse under the table. I pulled out the $11 from my wallet and laid it out on the table. I sat back away from the table with my purse in my lap, legs crossed. He looked at me funny; he could tell something was wrong but he didn't know what it was. (Not only is he a complete ass, but a complete DUMB ass too.) I told him I could pay the bill with my credit card and he said no. He started fooling around with his cash and picked up my $10. "I'm not really sure what this is going to do," he said. (Is he that dense? Really?) "Well I just put it down towards the tab, since I owe $13.50." (Wow.)
The waitress came to collect the bill and I looked up around the room trying to avoid any more awkward conversation. "You ready?" "No, I'm finishing my beer." "Come on, already." "You have legs. Go for it." He bent down to tie his shoe. Without saying a word, I finished my beer, stood up and put my coat on, grabbed my bag and began to walk out of the restaraunt without waiting for him. He tailed shortly behind. I really should have left him there.
I can't believe that on the way back to his apartment he actually asked me if I wanted to come in and watch Tropic Thunder with him. Despite that I've heard from a few people this movie is funny, I really have no desire to watch it. It looked completely stupid in the trailers. Moreover, Bob's the last person I'd want to spend any more time with. Not even a second.
As I pulled up to his house and stopped, he held out his hand and said, "Well..." I said, "It was nice seeing you." (It wasn't.) "Have a nice night." (Go screw yourself.) "You too." And, perplexed, he got out and walked away. Pulling away, I instantly called a friend and compared the date to various better ways I could have spent the evening. For instance, having diarrhea or receiving a black eye...
